Finding yourself in your 20’s: a How-To Guide with Jessica Carmichael
(Sorry if you receive this twice, accidentally sent it out lol)
I’ve been blasting Olivia Dean’s album The Art of Loving, and it’s made me feel so fall-girl coded I love it so much. Beyond that, I’ve been loving this resurgence of this idea of self-love and self-actualization. Between this album and “Having a bf is embarrassing” movement, women are realizing that there’s more to life than romantic love and relationships and I love it. I reposted this tiktok that said “I feel like more like the teens in the movies at the ripe age of 23 then I ever did at 17.” And I was like that’s facts!! I’m more comfortable in my body and who I am as a 24 yr old then I was at 16 or 17. When I was younger, I dreamed of being in a relationship but now being in one, I’m figuring out who I am as a person.
I sat down with Jessica Carmichael, author of The Full Picture which will be out on December 1st. She describes her book as The Summer I turned Pretty meets Never Have I Ever and honestly, that’s the perfect description for this book. It is a beautifully written love letter to young Black girls who are figuring out their life, so here’s our conversation :)
Dede: So, my first question is just an icebreaker. I see that you’re very well traveled and you love to go to all these beautiful places. What’s your favorite vacation spot?
Jessica: That’s a good question! I feel like it’s very cliche but definitely Ghana. I love Ghana, I love going there, I love being there. There’s nothing like home. But then after that, it’s gonna be London. I feel like London is one of my favorite places to go, even if its just for a long weekend.[London] has a really beautiful and creative diaspora community and it’s one of my favotite places for young people to visit on their own.
Dede: I totally agree. So where do you call home and what has this location given to you?
Jessica: I was just thinking about this the other day. I’m originally born and raised in the greater Toronto area. I went to school there, I went to university there and then about two years ago, I moved to Edmonton which is about 4-5 hour flight away from Toronto. I’ve been here and I’ve made it my home. I’ve fallen in love with this place, and I really enjoy living here and the life this has afforded me. So when I think about home, I really do think that it’s where I am and where I feel the most peace. Wherever I feel the most peace, I feel like that’s home for me. Ghana’s home for me, Barbados is home for me, but right now [Edmonton] is the place that fuels me and gives me happiness and inspiration at this point in my life.
Dede: I love that and I definitely agree that home is wherever you feel the most yourself. Do you feel like [moving] has been essential to your growth as an author and a person? Is this something that you advise people to do and what sparked this move?
Jessica: I definitely got to a point in my life where I started to seek more independence, I just wanted to start my own journey. Edmonton at the time was very affordable, and I had a friend in Edmonton and I came out here one weekend to look at places and the next, I was ready to go. So, it was a very quick decision, but I don’t regret it. I feel like it has allowed me to grow and learn so much about myself. I think alot of times when you grow up in a Christian community or a big community, it’s very easy to accept things as is .
I grew up in a very religious community with alot of Ghaniaians and I’ve always been more curious and open to moving around and not staying in one place my whole life. As a woman, I feel like you need to spend some time with yourself. You should learn how to pay a bill lol because alot of us come from our parents’ house and someone is taking care of that. Then, if you get married you go straight into your partner taking care of that. I feel like it’s important to have that independence and knowledge just for your own safety and for your own experience. If you go the traditional route of mariage and kids, it’s like when’s the next time you’ll have this time to do a puzzle for three hours.
Dede: I need to move lolol thank you so much for that and heavy on finding yourself during difficult situations because it’s in those moments that you learn so much about yourself. What’s that quote “Pressure makes diamonds.” But let’s talk about The Full Picture (TFP) where did you draw inspiration from? Where did you get the inspiration of the main character, Robyn? Did you draw inspiration from your life or was it a combination of other people’s as well? I related so much to Robyn’s like “what the heck am I supposed to be doing now. I’m in college and now in a love triangle, what?”
Jessica: Funny enough, I would consider myself a “late-bloomer”. The experiences that Robyn was experiencing in college, I experienced them post-college. I attribute that to many things, and people are like “You didn’t talk to boys?” and sometimes I look back like “Why didn’t I?” I remember that I grew up in a sheltered environment. School and success were a big thing for me, and when I had these experiences post-college, I was in alot of shock. So I thought it was important to write a story at that point of life because it’s such a pivotal point and we don’t see it in alot of books.
But back to Robyn, I wanted to write a story for myself. I wanted to write a story where the main character looks like me. I used myself as inspiration for inner child healing and it was very carthartic to get some of these thoughts and feelings out. I wanted to write to girls like me, I know I’m not the only one with mixed identities and different experiences with grief and things like that. Going in December and experiencing the highs and lows of being in that environment and the diaspora, I felt like it would be very interesting to write about it. I also grew up reading alot of mainstream YA, but I started to read more books for recreation post-COVID and the first book I read was His Only Wife by Adzo Medie. That transported me back to Ghana and I wanted to recreate this.
Dede: First of all, I'm so sorry for your losses. I know that you talk a lot about your mom on social media. How do you think that writing this book has helped. Was the process of writing the book cathartic for you?
Jessica: That's such a good question because I think that with my mom passing away, I was four years old, so I don't remember anything. I don't remember her. [Writing this book] helped me to idealize what I thought I would remember because I feel like I didn’t have alot of time to unpack alot of this stuff. Life just kept going and I was a pretty happy kid so things just kept on moving. I didn’t have alot of time to sort through these emotions until I got older like in my mid-twenties. I felt like I wanted to know things and find out more about her. I wish I could talk to her and I wondered if I would even like her. Writing kinda gave me some type of closure for my younger self. I was in Barbados for a funeral recently and they were like “your mom was amazing.” I was like “Wow, you guys in Barbados remember my mom?” My mom’s from Ghana so it was interesting to learn about the impact that she had on people’s lives and I just continued to learn about it every day. Writing helped me so heal some of these wounds I’ve had from my childhood.
Dede: Yes, wow. Even in the book, Robyn’s final project (without spoiling) made me emotional. You don’t really feel these wounds when you’re younger, but when you’re older you do feel them.
But without giving away too much, what was the significance of the love triangle and were there certain parts of it that got cut? I love a love triangle, it’s like “May the best man win.”
Jessica: It’s funny in the earlier drafts, one of the characters was just horrible because it was inspired by an experience I had in Ghana. I remember giving it to my mentor and she was like “Why would Robyn be with this man?” I was like “Good point”, so I started researching love triangles and I did my homework about the “greats” like Twilight, Vampire Diaries, etc. What kept coming up is “He’s great, just not him.” Someone can check all your boxes but just not be the one for you. As I continued to write, it kind of shifted from the main point of the story to the side point because it’s important and it reflects her identity but it’s not all who she is. I really like stories that write characters with full lives outside of romance. I wanted to show that this is an important part of a woman’s development but it’s not everything. I think it’s important to draw parallels between her personal journey as a young woman as well as career-wise. I believe that we all have little quirks we learned from our parents but finding yourself is all about choosing what quirks you want to keep and one’s you want to get “rid” of.
Dede: I want to talk about the intricacies of the families and I’ve been following you on Tiktok for such a long time (jaaycarmichael) so I remember seeing all of the TFP moodboards and being so impressed by the thought process and details of each character. So what was the process behind the creation of each character and the intricacies between them? Because as a first- generation Nigerian, I really understood and related to alot of Robin’s experiences especially with her family.
Jessica: I think a big concern for me was that I was writing this book for 5 years and the books that I read, the characters didn’t feel connected to the culture but I never really felt like that. Even though my mom wasn’t there, I grew up heavily in the Ghanaian community and there’s always a sense of displacement when you’re not a 100% Ghanaian especially when you don’t speak the language, but it still felt familiar enough to me. Same thing with my Bajan side because I only have my dad and I don’t really know alot of people from Barbados. So I wanted Robyn to be knowledgeable but not like she’s “lost” ya know? She’s a true “third-culture” kid.
I really wanted it to be a “iykyk” thing, I didn’t want to overexplain the culture. It’s a common misconception that people hate us first-gens because they think you’re too “Canadian” or “American” but that was not my experience. [Ghanaians] are very welcoming and are very accepting of everyone, so I wanted to include that perspective in the book as well. I have a really great Ghanaian community that made sure that things were accurate because I didn’t want it to be stereotypical or a caricature of the culture.
Dede: Yes, so I am a huge fan of your Substack “Gist with Jess”. In one of your posts, you write,” At the end of the day, I'm here to tell stories, but I truly believe I'm on this earth to tell stories. I know my words won't live solely on paper.” I was like “Wow”, it seems like you have such a good sense of self as an author and a Black woman. Do you have any words of advice for young Black girls who are trying to find their way?
Jessica: Every single thing you see or the result is not the first attempt, it mostly took like 10 or 12 years of work that brought them to this point. I’m so inspired by Issa Rae because she’s had this idea and she’s been going after it for years. You have to allow yourself to create and not be caught up in if it’s perfect or not. It’s hard if you’re a perfectionist and first-gen because that’s how we’re programmed but that’s the first step. I always tell people to give themselves some time, you have to finish the first draft. Even if you are the best writer, if you haven’t finished the first draft there’s nothing to talk about. This was a huge thing for me as someone who has trouble focusing and being attentive. I felt like there was something wrong here so I got diagnosed with ADHD and then I got the proper medication and support for it.
Next, creativity takes discipline. You need to treat your creative endeavors like a full-time job. I worked my 9-5 and then on the evenings, I would write. And I think that if you give yourself that discipline for even a month or a week, you can create something super spectacular. You just gotta lock in and do it.
Lastly, find a community. I found a writers’ community because my mentor encouraged me find writers that will encourage me. I found some really amazing people that have grown into really great friendships. So I think that it's really important when you're on that journey to not do it alone.You need people who understand. You need people who evaluate and look at the world the way that you do and who can encourage you. Life is busy but you need people who will be there for you.
The Full Picture comes out on December 1st!!
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